Home » 140.6 Journey » Self-destructive Behavior (and recovery)

Self-destructive Behavior (and recovery)

Apr 11: Day 58

Planned Workouts: Run, 5 minutes Z1, 60 minutes Z2, 5 minutes Z1

Weight: Didn’t weigh

Yesterday I had my first real, all-out no holds barred binge of the training cycle.

I did my rest day fasting as planned, dinner Sunday to dinner Monday.  I reached nearly the end of the workday when a combination of hunger and personal stress led me to do something I never do — snack in the afternoon.  I went down to the vending machine and bought a package of fruit snacks, ostensibly to tide me over until dinner (to get an idea of how rare this is, I’ve purchased 2 things in 5 years from that vending machine, and the first was when they were out of snacks at a blood drive).

All that did was open the floodgates.


I didn’t eat that sandwich, but I would have given the opportunity…

From there I had a handful of M&Ms from the jar I keep in my office for guests.  Or two.  Or four.  Then I came home and grabbed some snack mix.  Actually 3 handfuls of it.  After dinner (which was sizable), it was 2 cookies, a half pint of ice-cream and a bourbon.

It’s a wonder I didn’t explode.

This is a pattern that rarely comes up for me now but was all too common when I was heavy.  I do something restrictive with my diet, then a combination of stressors breaks my willpower and I overeat.  It might happen to me 3-4 times a year now, but it still happens.  I’ve never completely killed the habit.

Fortunately though, it usually lasts only a short time.  I woke up this morning feeling better and more focused on being healthy and fit.  I got my run done and re-implemented some of the nutrient timing techniques I’ve used before to good effect–basically you don’t eat less, but you structure your food around your workouts smartly to enhance fueling and recovery.  Since my big run was this morning, it means my calories will be top-heavy at the beginning of the day and taper off as the day goes on.

I’ve often felt that my body is an accumulation of all the good and bad things I do to it.  I’m probably good 90% of the time and not so good 10% of the time.  My body reflects that–it’s in amazing shape for a 45-year-old, but it’s also not perfect.  I don’t really need it to be, because I enjoy that 10%.  Yesterday I did something bad to it, now it’s time to string some good days together and take care of it.  I think that’s a much healthier attitude than beating myself up over this (which is what I used to do).


Stay focused and healthy folks.  But if you mess up?  It’s OK.  Just get back on the horse as soon as you can.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s